MUSICAL MUSINGS
August 10, 2004
HOT 100 IN "SLOW MOTION" FAILS TO "TURN ME ON"
It's been a long time since the Hot 100 was this uninspiring.
With Juvenile spending a second week at #1 with "Slow Motion" and the Top 10 clogged with the likes of Kevin Lyttle, Nina Sky, and Christina Milian, I can't think of the last time the top of the Billboard Hot 100 was so dull. These are not records that strike passion with music fans; they're just records that happen to have today's sound and aren't objectionable to the ears.
As Usher's three huge hits start to fade, not a single great record is around to replace them. The future prospects aren't good, either. Lil' Flip's "Sunshine" is likely to replace Juvenile at #1, but let's face it: this record has last year's sound. Nelly's "My Place" is also on its way to the top, and why isn't he in the discount bin yet? We're stuck with a boatload of secondary records for the foreseeable future, and this will likely result in undeserving songs staying at #1 for long periods of time.
Now, before I go on, let me explain what I mean by "undeserving." Personal taste is not a factor here. One outlet for my chart fanaticism is to imagine songs from different eras squaring off on the same chart--sort of a "could Superman beat up Batman?" situation. No matter what you may think of "Physical" by Olivia Newton-John, it would kick the crap out of "I Like the Way" by Hi-Five. Both records hit #1, but the #1 position is a moving target; it's not worth the same amount of "hit power" from one week to the next.
Throughout pop history, many songs have spent long runs at #1, but they've done it in two different ways: by being powerful enough to fend off the competition, and by being around when there's little or no competition. The Beatles' "Hey Jude" was the first type of long-running #1 song: it spent nine weeks at the summit in 1968, more time than any other record in the 1960s. It kept the following songs out of the #1 slot: "Fire" by the Crazy World of Arthur Brown, "Little Green Apples" by O.C. Smith, and "Those Were the Days" by Mary Hopkin. Maybe they don't all get played much anymore, but these #2 songs were bona fide hit records in 1968. "Hey Jude" was absolutely unstoppable.
Compare this with the situation in early 1996. Sure, "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men "deserved" to hit #1. It was powerful enough to stay there for awhile, too. But to remain at #1 for 16 weeks and set a new rock era record? I'm sorry, but the song wasn't that great. It's just that nothing else proved itself better. So for eleven of those sixteen weeks, the #2 song was former #1 "Exhale (Shoop Shoop)" by Whitney Houston. "Missing" by Everything But the Girl, "Not Gon' Cry" by Mary J. Blige, and "Sittin' Up in My Room" by Brandy made attempts to knock Mariah & the Boyz off the top spot, but they all had to settle for #2. Everything But the Girl had enough airplay to do the trick, but the sales just weren't there. Mary J. and Brandy were too rhythmic; that is, they sold well, but mainstream pop radio never quite accepted them. In other words, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men's weakening #1 status was challenged by even weaker players.
Similar situations occurred in 1975 and in 1989, but a different chart climate resulted. Instead of producing long-running #1 smashes, these periods produced record-setting turnover of the #1 slot to a bunch of songs. In 1975, many of these songs really deserved #1, and the competition was fierce. From January until April, a different song appeared at #1 on fourteen consecutive charts, and this record has yet to be broken. Here's the list:
1/11/75: Elton John - "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" [2nd week at #1]
1/18/75: Barry Manilow - "Mandy"
1/25/75: The Carpenters - "Please Mr. Postman"
2/1/75: Neil Sedaka - "Laughter in the Rain"
2/8/75: Ohio Players - "Fire"
2/15/75: Linda Ronstadt - "You're No Good"
2/22/75: Average White Band - "Pick Up the Pieces"
3/1/75: The Eagles - "Best of My Love"
3/8/75: Olivia Newton-John - "Have You Never Been Mellow"
3/15/75: The Doobie Brothers - "Black Water"
3/22/75: Frankie Valli - "My Eyes Adored You"
3/29/75: LaBelle - "Lady Marmalade"
4/5/75: Minnie Riperton - "Lovin' You"
4/12/75: Elton John - "Philadelphia Freedom" [1st of 2 weeks at #1]
That's twelve one-week #1 hits, book-ended by two Elton John smashes that stayed there longer. Now, I was two years old when this happened, but I can sing the hooks of most of these songs. Compare this with the situation in 1989, when we had nine consecutive weeks with a different chart-topper:
5/27/89: Paula Abdul - "Forever Your Girl" [2nd week at #1]
6/3/89: Michael Damian - "Rock On"
6/10/89: Bette Midler - "Wind Beneath My Wings"
6/17/89: New Kids on the Block - "I'll Be Loving You (Forever)"
6/24/89: Richard Marx - "Satisfied"
7/1/89: Milli Vanilli - "Baby Don't Forget My Number"
7/8/89: Fine Young Cannibals - "Good Thing"
7/15/89: Simply Red - "If You Don't Know Me by Now"
7/22/89: Martika - "Toy Soldiers" [1st of 2 weeks at #1]
Instead of giving us a bunch of memorable hit records that gave the #1 a good name, 1989 gave us second-rate chart-toppers, the only exception being the Bette Midler song, which apparently will never die at AC radio. The Michael Damian and Simply Red songs are covers of songs done better in the 1970s. We all know what happened to Milli Vanilli later on. And "Satisfied" by Richard Marx? That's probably my pick for the least-deserving #1 song of the rock era, musically as well as by "hit power."
So when the top of the chart is soft, it can resolve itself in two different ways: either with a quick succession of short-lived #1 hits, or with the "default #1" staying there much longer than it should have. And when the top of the chart is solid, one of the same two phenomena usually occurs. Better times are probably not far away; it was only a few months ago that "Hey Ya!" by OutKast spent a well-deserved nine weeks at #1. Maybe what we really need is a new OutKast album.